Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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