We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
