Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
