omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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