how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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