Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
