Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
