I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
