He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
