Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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