Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize