I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
