I want to have your abortion
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
