On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
