idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
