Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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