I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
