How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
