fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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