Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
