I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
