flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
