can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
