My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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