Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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