Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
