Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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