Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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