the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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