hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
