I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize