I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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