i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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