Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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