So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
