Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
