I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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