Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize