It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
