remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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