dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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