so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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