I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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