And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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