his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
