people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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