we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
