Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
