So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
