there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Life is so much better after having sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
