i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
love makes seman taste better
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
