i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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