I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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