OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
