you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
