i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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