our cab driver is having phone sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
