That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
