Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
