i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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