He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
