My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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