I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
not ubering you a puppy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
