i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
