God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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