Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
