You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
