Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
