In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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