Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
