It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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