sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
