I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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