I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
