Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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