is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
