Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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