i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
