So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
