I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is classic penis vs brain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
