College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
