peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.