in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.